Love defined according to Webster A: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. B: Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interest…
With that being clarified. How does one incorporate their upbringing, the life that was placed before them in which they had to learn to function, possibly in the midst of chaos? How does one learn to discern the balance between what is written and what is taught? Children grow up with two thoughts. 1. I am going to be nothing like my parents by do things differently or 2. I am going to supersede everything that they didn’t or couldn’t accomplish with me. Why is there a distaste for conforming to what we come from? Why do we so early on make decisions about how we will conduct life before we even fully understand the ground rules of living?
There will always be far more questions with multiple answers to go around. But these are questions that have to be tackled and addressed to ascend to somewhere higher than previously attempted to be achieved. The concept of love is often not the definition of love due to the nature of individuality. Everyone learns at different paces, learns in different ways, some may not ever get it or possibly receive it because of the distorted fairytale that is out on display.
Any relationship encountered should began with a common interest that is the first spark. The aura of a person if you are sensitive, to sensory stimulus, draws you in to be engaged with another. From there a kinship should be established with the comfort of boundaries, fully deployed. Laying the foundation to build something to grow into. As time progresses the strong affection has had time to weather the ability to sustain what has been started. Physical actions of displaying and acting upon the attraction, should in theory only be introduced at a point where there is a clear level of commitment for all involved.
If things were only that simple and mapped out. We all too often through distorted views and misconceptions of what we think should be. Run into the fatalities of heart break, mistrust, and so forth. The reasoning extends far beyond our desire for real true love. As with any task if comprehension is not thought out, the project itself is doomed to fail. If there is no self-love in place, if there is no affirmation of knowledge of self, if there is no preservation of self. You are giving out I.O.U’s to something you don’t possess which in turn causes resentment within self an others.
Every relationship encountered should possess a healthy awareness of self. You should never have to wear two faces being one way around one person, then another around someone else. It really just builds more confusion. That will cause you to lose the little piece of self you maintain. Hence, why people are quick to confess how they were losing themselves by being in something that was not advancing them to the next level. But you have to be able to see what is and what is happening in order to correct any given situation.
Trust is another major factor. If you don’t trust yourself with yourself, how are you gone trust someone else with you? No one can ever love you better than you can love yourself. Once you learn the battle of self you can move forward with meaning, with the clarity above mentioned.
There are so many factors that hinder this process. Many if not most people have been a victim of something that has left a permanent mark on their life. A scar that many try to cover up or conceal as though that will make it go away. Those are issues that within self must be faced, internalized and processed on levels of maintaining correction over cover up to heal an let it go. No one desires to be a Dysfunctional mess but often times many are. Walking in denial never understanding why chaos is following them.
One of the hardest task in life outside of childbirth, is allowing someone into your inner circle, your collective space. Most people don’t want to feel vulnerable, exposed, especially if hurt already lingers there. Many have found solace in faking the funk as though the unhappiness is not visible on them.
When you learn to love yourself as defined, not by what is taught/seen or what has been learned. You can start the process of comprehending the application to life and living accordingly.
Then and only then will what you bring to the table be appreciated by those it is presented to. You attract what you speak, think and believe. Once that pattern is obtained you will no longer feel in debt, guilty or obligated (as others can make you feel because you are given I.O.U’s unknowingly as if it is mandatory) the greatest gift you can give yourself is totally your true self. Time is something no one ever gets back. When it is gone, there are no do overs. Do the work required on self so that when you do attract what you desire and or need you ready to up hold your end without questioning or wavering.
Ask yourself the question(s): Have I attached my desire to someone that it doesn’t belong to? Is this really something I want to be engaged in? Am I at a healthy place to pursue this relationship?
These are questions for all relationships mother to child…man to woman…employee to employer.. These are all relationships and should be viewed as such. When you can honestly seek the truth and accept it for what it is (your truth not what someone has inflicted upon you) you can get to that place of happiness that lies solely in you, not another. Everyone is and should be an enhancement in your life, no matter the outcome positive or negative, something was gained that made you who you are.
©2015 Voncia Lesettajo Nichols