After reminiscing about the relationships that I have allowed myself to partake in. I came to the resolution to inquire within myself what would cause one to overlook obvious signs that are presented in boldness by someone else. Mother Maya Angelou clearly left instructions to take heed when someone shows you who they are believe them.
Sometimes we tend to want certain things so bad that we forget to question why it is such a state of emergency that we must have it. During the course of dating one may put on a different face in order to seem like they are putting their best foot forward. When in actuality they are prepping unfortunately for the others downfall. I stressed to my daughters on a continual bases that what you allow upfront by not addressing it on the onset, will no doubt set the stage for the duration of that relationship. People can only do to you what you allow them to do to you.
I am persuaded to believe that when a woman does not comprehend her worth she will tend to settle for something beneath her just to say that she has something that many others may desire as well but have not yet obtained. Relationships have evolved to a place of physical first, then based off that chemistry alone the surface journey of love begins without a foundation. We as women want to believe that when we see things that don’t line up with our core values that it is our duty to encourage change within that person. Not realizing that the task will become one of great sorrow due to the nature of selfish people. People will always do what they see fit and comply only on their terms. I dare not declare that all men are the same nor do I declare that they all have the ability to reason.
Reflecting on a past relationship, I saw the signs and red flags initially at the front door, but by choice continued on with the hopes that things would change. This is a major problem yet again amongst women because we don’t ask ourselves why deal with certain arenas when we clearly have options. A woman will lower her standards unnecessarily to save face so that she can exclaim that she tried. That is when the lies to self-begin and the delusion of building something with someone who clearly does not have your best interest at heart.
The feelings of emotions that come off in the words of “I love you.” Begin to lose meaning that carries no value to either party. It causes one to deflect the illusion that is desired while putting on rose colored glasses narrowing the perception of what is truth. Allowing ignorance to abide where it does not belong. Conditioning self to overlook what reality is stating that is truth. Accepting/openly acknowledging the fact that there should not be a responsible party for the lies that have been condoned. Any issue that is not addressed once revealed will be pushed to the limit. It is human nature to see how far one can go without processing truths coupled in reality.
When you have constant repetition of a certain behavior that your gut is telling you to flee from. You begin a free fall into despair that can be detrimental to one’s health. I often question why do men lie? Why do they engage in a relationship that they know they have no desire in nurturing? The better question contains the thought process of why do women embrace something that they know is not going to go anywhere? By accepting their lies we begin to lie to ourselves about the outcome. It has become taboo the silent acceptance of the side chick. Condoning it as if you/we are not enough. Until we as women get to a place of setting boundaries and meticulously loving self this will be a continued vain that spirals out of control ending in heart ache an attached emotion. More often than not people love what it is you do for and to them. Never really delving into the perspective of learning that individual aspiring to love them for who they are as a person.
When you have nothing to build on, you will gain nothing to grow into. The physical aspect of a relationship is often confused with LOVING A PERSON. When you function on a level of distorted views the reality of said desire is not clearly marked for success. Emotional vulnerability creates a “clinging to” method that becomes possessive, controlling while making you think that the change needs to happen solely within self. We often times don’t count up the cost of the limitations and restrictions we put on ourselves as we make great sacrifice for something that is not meant to be.
It is only through trial and error as we begin to value our worth and self-love that we can begin to address why we make the choices that we make. I am almost certain that any poll that is taken on why a woman chooses to tolerate the lies being sold without removing herself from that situation but confessing her undying love for an individual. NO doubt no two answers will be the same. So are we really loving him? Or are we caught up in emotion based on the attraction (lust) that we share in common with him?
© 2015 Voncia Lesettajo Nichols