What does one do with the process of hindsight? Those things visible but missed in play. Self-defeating habits began to make sense in the big scheme of things, looking for an out of something that not sure what you have let in? The constant nagging of how did I get here?
I witnessed Epiphanies of grander wondering if had I gone right instead of left? Up instead of down? The turmoil an agony that could've been avoided. Possibly in theory. I long for truth an what to do with it, once found?
The intensity of the pain that wrecks havoc on my body, mind, soul and spirit! The grief that burns me alive with no mercy. The constant tears that won't stop falling due to inadequate feelings of failure, as a person, a daughter, Mother, wife? Life doesn't teach you what to do with self in the so said failure status? Whether self afflicted or allowed infliction from others. What does one do with the unjust disappointed self?
Society depicts that failure must happen before success is achieved an maintained.
No one mentions the anger, the self hate, the depression, the hurt that is inflicted when one fails. Or for that matter what to do with it? Suicide is real an I have seen first hand that what you see in a person is what they allow you to see, unless you discern to see deeper!
The grind is real! Don't you believe otherwise but wisdom wins time after time confirming attitude as the key in all that you face. Focus is a critical point in achieving any goal.
Wisdom nurtures that pain is inevitable! There is no escape. But Hope tells me that if I just keep persuit of my gift that it will all be worth while.
When you have been placed to go it alone for the duration, it takes it toll when you give because of who you are an it be misused an abused? How does one recover?
Loneliness is a state of mind not a state of being!
You will always have more questions then answers, but if you wait an trust, understanding is sure to reveal itself.